Wednesday, July 6, 2011
So today I get a call wanting me to relinquish my vehicle , I have not been able to pay for a few months I already lost my other vehicle last month to repo So this sucks .. I decided to call the guy back and tell him where I live to come and get it.Im sad because my family fit in this and we had some space,It was a good suv. It just sucks I found out I was sick,moved from SC to FL in with my dad ,Had brain surgury,recovery,Found out I have cancer,My kids moved in with my sister ,started chemo,dad went controlingly crazy on me,got sick couldnt do chemo,dad stll crazy, moved in with jennifer and jack plus there 3,had chemo,went to SC to get our stuff,kids came back to me,things starting to settle I have a repo on my van ouch that really hurt,its ok I got a tiny dodge neon to get me to my appointments ,,,Hmmm was thinking save on gas not family car,any way things have been settling ,had bryannas 4th b day party,went on vacation ,and now another repo. We have lost our home ,surroundings,friends,family,security,our state of sc,our comfort,our vehicles, my health, And have gained a new family of 5 :) and there home ,A blessing im stable,kids are aaround family all the time,school is not so bad :) im sure there is much more positive thiings to type about but im drawing a blank atm Frankly im just sad feeling reaslly sad and overwelmed. I feel so alone ... I try to talk to my mom but she never truely listens ,my sister is always working she lets life live her.Alex well thats just a wall i cant crack ..If I change my meds I have to make an announcment to everyone in hopes someone will remember it if something goes wrong with me.I have jennifer she hears me but she is depressed and overwelmed to.I have decided if I have pain shhhh about it,feeling shhh about it,black out shhh about it unless I talk to my dr Because the people I need most dont see me they dont hear me,I told my mom today I had sensation in my mouth up top on my gums when I was eating ice cream I had to tell her 4 times befor she really listened.Whats the point to talk about the pain or discomfort when thats all it can ever be is talk of my pain and discomfort unless the meds work or i am magically cured ....Befor I go to bed at night I try to make sure I have things in line paper work filled correctly kids xxxooo in case I dont waike up dont get me wrong its also less for me to do the next day but I feel like i cant get it perfect Im just not readyto pass .On a lighter note but worser note our septic needs a new drain field its backed up Jack and Alex were out there digging and scooping ...This sucks I live off less then 450 amonth ssi for 5 people I know jennifer wouldnt ask me for the money because she understands my condition but I feel the need to help I as well as my family live here so whats my roomates /family issues is ours also ....Ava and the boys went swiming for a few hrs today They went right to bed after the pool.Thay had fun....... I hope this grief counslor will work with us all well w need this ..... Jennifer gave me andrew for a little bit He was so sweet laying on me suking his thum,holding his blanked singig to me softly aww so he wa s so so so sweet...I was laughing and having fun with him Then jennifer and andrew went to bed.I miss it when my kids were smaller so less opinionated lol....But Im happy they r growing and strong minds I see them growing into there own its amazing...
Posted by Christine at 2:16 AM